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  • Philip Drucker

Communique 9-16-2020 "23.4 Yeah Baby"

By Philip Drucker


It is very quiet in the Chemo Lounge today. There are three separate pods, each with a different nurse assigned to their own pod. I’m in pod number three today. The one in the back, where the cool kids sit, under an imaginary umbrella, hiding from direct sunlight (a no-no for the most part), feeling the warm breeze, and in my case drinking a Pina Colorectal Colada without a slice of pineapple or cherry on top. I can daydream, can’t I?

Pool Boy (not that one), could you bring me a shot of anti-inflammatory, anti-diarrhea, anti-nausea hydration medication, could you? It’s happy hour, if not here then it simply must be 5:00pm, somewhere. Speaking of which, I again made my request to management for a special, all day half-off your co-pay Taco Tuesday. Good for morale, good for the old pocketbook and great for patient relations. There’s nothing like building brand loyalty through repeat customers, Business 101, right? They never listen to me. Their loss.

As if on cue, I’m experiencing a saline, salty taste on my taste buds and my mouth is starting to get dry. I have a slight headache and am suddenly very keen on getting a cup of coffee. Oh, Pool Boy… (not that one). Funny how caffeine makes everything better! Is there anything it can’t do?

To be honest about the near magical burnt brownish bean water heated to an appropriate, hot but not too hot internal sweat lodge session beading up on my forehead and on the back of my neck. Now, if I am correct, the opening act should be over right about now. Wait for it, bingo. Time for the event we’ve all been waiting for, let’s give a big round of applause for the dripping poison of life, the killer of all cells, healthy and malignant, don’t worry about any change in your pigment (or your hair starting to fall out), you need not be keen-o, Chemotherapy.

And so, it came to pass. I’m hooked on and up to the bag labeled biohazard. In my circles, that is a good start. Now that I’m thinking about it, in my peer group just being here to drink the mysterious magical potion is a blessing. You learn to appreciate that your goal is to cheat death out of the ill-gotten bounty of what is best described as biological warfare with the chemistry cavalry coming to the rescue. Drucker’s last stand? Perhaps it will come, but today will not be that day. Labs are back. Time to see the Doctor.

OK, now these are his words, not mine. My progress is impressive. The “mass” on my liver has shrunken to half its original size. My urine is protein free, a good sign and big plus if I want to continue my treatments without interruption, and just to make today a very good day, my white blood cell count is up, and my immune system is starting to rebound. That as we say in the trade, short of a miracle, you know, it just one day goes away, is as good as it gets. I believe it is safe to say, we are rounding the last turn and heading for the home stretch. Time to go to the whip, the horse whip you pervert. I’m still funny. Whew!

Speaking of perverts, I just saw a guy not wearing his mask who looks like Mitch McConnell. I know this shouldn’t set me off, but I would like to make mention that as I look out upon all the different people here, all hooked up to our towers, and all wanting nothing but to get better, and yes, I know it’s hardly a perfect comparison or even a good fit, but what I see is bravery.

That and a determination to live whatever life is left to the fullest, with a sense of purpose and hopefully the discovery of one’s inner fortitude and strength. Not exactly, but not unlike all of the gallant, honorable and worthy soldiers in our military. They of course, are the true heroes, but we in the Lounge have our moments.

My point? How dare Trump call the men and women of our military suckers and losers? How dare he make fun of Gold Star parents? How dare he slight in any way the disabled simply because they are disabled? Women because they are women? And yes, as I suspect if he were in the room right now, cancer patients, myself included, sick and infirm, and often if I am honest with you half the time, scared out of our minds, but still we try, tell us we are the ones who are suckers and losers.

How can anyone with a conscience and a soul countenance the loss of 200,000 lives for no reason other than incompetence, arrogance and power? All so he and his crime family can continue to grift from the American public. Hell, we the American people are paying for the DOJ to defend him in a Rape case that once the DNA is processed, he will lose.

Time to go. I’ve got my Chemo to go for what I call the next “48 straight” as in hours of continuous cuckoo for chemo infusions. Please take note that while I will never wish cancer in any way, shape or form upon anyone, ever, my parting thought as I walk out into the sunshine is how is it possible that this stupid, nasty, mean, abhorrent, MF of a human locust plague hasn’t contracted syphilis of the brain?

Another mystery of cosmic proportions to contemplate at another time. For today, I am on the path to wellness and I will continue to do whatever it is I need to do, to live. And that my friends, makes today a very good day.

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